The End & The Beginning

Tuesday. So many things to write about today.

One year ago today I went to work for the last time before my sweet son came into this world. One year ago today I went into labor. Where has the year gone to? Possibly gremlins eating time or it could be just too much fun and excitement has caused life to go into fast forward.

Today I return to work. I'm hoping my co-workers welcome me back. They say they will, but they don't know the full extent of the mush my brain has turned into since becoming a mother. I can't hardly remember to rinse the conditioner from my hair or put deodorant on before leaving the house. Not entirely sure how I'm supposed to remember how to do my job!

Today I leave my son in the care of a complete stranger. This is hard for me simply because I did everything in my power to make this day, the first he's ever been away from me for any length of time, as easy as possible for him. We visited daycare more than once so he would be comfortable with her and her home and her children. Unforeseen events have caused her to have to close this week and so CBear's first day away from me must be with somebody neither of us has met. Not ideal but since this girl is a good friend of the one he will be staying with permanently I trust that all will be well.

Today marks the last day of my son's first year! His birthday is tomorrow. I can't believe it. Seems like yesterday I was bringing him into this world, but it wasn't yesterday it was an entire YEAR ago. He's grown and changed so much. I've tried to keep family up do date with his growth and development and I email pictures frequently but there's a lot you miss even in a video. It makes me sad when I think that nobody knows him really. Not the way I do. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be though because I've heard other mothers say the same.

CBear's personality has just blossomed over the last year. He was always very alert even when only a few days old. I always want to remember the little things. Like how he looks at me sideways and chuckles when he sees me watching him. How he looks when he's intensely playing with something trying to figure it out. How he will stop and turn around in circles as if he can't decide what direction to go or if he should really attempt to get to the thing he's not supposed to get into. The way he laughs at every little thing; he's got the best sense of humor I've ever seen in a child so small. How he sort of hums when he's nursing or giving hugs & kisses. How he giggles when you say a word he recognizes like "cat" or "puppy" or "fish".

I'm completely amazed at everything this kid knows, figures out, and does on a day to day basis. I could never have imagined that his presence in my life would be as vital to me as the air I breath. I don't wish him to stay a baby forever, I love watching him grow and learn and become the little man he is to become, but it is surprisingly hard to accept that he is growing up. Will the next 5, 10, 20 years flash before my eyes the way this one has? I hope not. Let the gremlins be gone but the fun continue.

Tomorrow I will be posting a photo blog. A look at the past year & a celebration of CBear's 1st Birthday!