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Saturday, March 23, 2013

A good day

Hello again, popping in for a brief moment of positivity. It's been awhile since I've had such an awesome day to share.
To be honest I've been contemplating ending my brief blogging career. I've been having a rough time the last few months since I learned that my life with fibromyalgia is just beginning. It's hard to process that information while also in the thick of the worst flare up I've had all year likely due to the winter weather. When you never have anything good to say you tend to keep your mouth shut & keep on keepin on; or at least I do.
So I've been keeping to myself in survival mode trying to spare you all from the bad. Trying to conserve whatever energy I've had to give to my family. My sweet little man who deserves so much more patience than I've had for him lately and my loving husband who has helped me to stay strong but doesn't get credit for his efforts most days. I've been tired and short tempered with high expectations and it's not fair to them. I've had to cut extras like blogging from my daily routine so I have less pots to fill with my love & attention. My boys deserve all of me after all.
However, I've been asked to start blogging again, to share what's going on in my world. I still can't bring myself to share all the 'baggage' because I can't imagine that anybody really wants to read that. Today was a really good day though and I would like to share it with you now.
Cbear woke up around 7 while D was getting ready for work. I asked him if he'd come lay with me in daddy's spot and he agreed. We slept till 8:30 snuggled up together while the room filled with the warm sunlight.
I had no plans for the day besides possibly meeting a friend for a visit and pick up a few groceries. We snuggled on the couch after breakfast and I decided I didn't want a lazy day so we better get going before the minutes turned into hours. We got ready, Cbear even dressed himself, and headed out to one of the stores on the list. My friend had messaged me by the time we were done so we headed to her house for a really good visit.
When we left I realized I was tired and hungry and not at all interested in trying to get the groceries we went out to get. So I took a different route home but instead of going home I headed towards work to hopefully give daddy a smile and maybe grab lunch with him. My boys were both pleased with this turn of events and we enjoyed a nice family lunch before heading home for nap time.
During Cbears nap I used a code for a free photo book to create a keepsake of his first year. I've wanted to do this for a long time but have never had the incentive to really focus until now. I'm extremely pleased with the final product and can't wait for it to get here.
When he woke up we snuggled up on the couch with a movie but I felt good and again found myself not wanting to waste it. So I go up and I started emptying cupboards and rearranging things. I completely changed 5 cupboards and our pantry closet. I'm hoping its a more functional way to utilize the space and since I've been wanting to do it for a long time I'm very happy that it's finally complete! High fives to me!
I finished doing that right in time to start dinner. I'm finding dinners much easier in the last week since we started a meal plan. Seriously! Taking the guess work of what to make out of the equation has removed so much stress and we're eating better too.
Now I'm sitting with my sweet boy with the last of the days sunshine pouring through the window and I'm grateful for such a wonderful day. Sure my feet and legs are really mad at me and exhaustion is trying to take over but it's all been worth it.
As if on cue my buzzer just went signaling dinner is ready. So I'll leave you on a good note and a hope to be back really soon!

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Update - The Plague Has Cometh

I haven't been posting as much as I wanted to and for that I'm sorry. Clearly I'm not, nor will I ever be, a mainstream blogger in the big times.

The sickness has been through my house and then some since the last I wrote you. We've had the flu and the sniffles and the coughing till you can't breathe and I believe it may all be coming around again for the third time now.

Despite all that we've been having great fun when we can! We've got a family membership to the local museum now and that's awesome because Cbear loves it there!

Cleaning and organizing is my new mission. We've been checking items off the list of to-dos left right and centre which is also really cool! I'm even finally getting some of our stuff sorted out for sale and donation!

On the health front I have news. I've been trying to process the info and that's part of why I haven't posted too. I had my follow up with the rheumatologist and the test results came back clean as they always do. He said there's really nothing else to test for at this point and he's comfortable making the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. It's all quite surreal actually. I mean I knew this was coming on the one hand and on the other I was hoping for something to be there in the tests. Something we could put our finger on and say 'that's it! Lets fix it' but that's not the case. So now I'm left with the dealing part.

At least I got the answers I was looking for, albeit not the ones I wanted. Now I have to learn how to care for myself. That may mean eliminating some favorite foods from my diet or forcing myself to eat things I don't like. It will definitely mean knowing my limits and enforcing rest upon myself when things aren't good. It means taking time to be active and get any exercise I can. Hardest of all will be asking for help.

If anybody reading this has any resources they want to share for things that can be beneficial to fibro patients please let me know. I would greatly appreciate that.

Now I need to make a plan to clear the disease from my house. So far I have
-wash all bedding
-bleach all of the things
-light a match

Wish me luck!

Monday, January 7, 2013


This is what my friend calls daycare. At this very moment I'm starting to think that is pretty accurate! What a day!

I want to start by saying that Cbear is very happy at this new place. He is happy to get up early and go to play with his new friends. He's thriving with the new routine and all that he's learning to do. His language skills are developing by leaps and bounds and he is by all accounts very smart and adapting well.

However the administration end of things is leaving much to be desired. I'm a very organized routine based person. If I need to get in contact with you I prefer email to phone. If you tell me something once I generally retain that information for all of eternity. (Especially if you'd prefer I forget)

Any time I've emailed this place they have taken at least 2 days to respond. Not acceptable but I can adapt. I will just phone from now on.

They specifically told me that with regard to potty training I should bring several pairs of pants etc for them to allow him to have accidents. I was assured that it was not a problem that he's not 100% on the train yet. Any time he has had more than one accident in a day there's been a big production of telling me so along with informing me that he's in a pull-up. This includes the very first day he was there ever! Fine. I can understand that it must be difficult to be dealing with 5-10 kids all having possible multiple accidents in a day. Not a big deal, put him in a pull-up if need be but let's not detain me over it at pickup time. Add to that today, she actually tried to tell me that they put him in a pull-up not because of the number of accidents but because he didn't have any more clothes. I turned and looked at the basket full of his clothes and said "Really? Cuz there was three pairs of everything there when I brought him this morning and more in his bag". She quickly began fumbling on her words deciding she must've been looking in the wrong kids basket.

I sent two small containers with his lunch and only one has been returned. I've also lost a spoon last week. I don't send spoons anymore and I won't send containers either. I was trying to be kind to the environment but since they can't prevent my child from throwing them out I guess it's bad either way. The garbage bag had already been removed and tied and they looked a little horrified that I wanted to break into it and look for it. We haven't even had them for two weeks. I'm not pleased.

The part that really gets to me about today though is that we've spoken about payment timing already. I told her I usually pay half and half rather than the full month all at once. She assured me this was fine. Today when I enquired as to why I had still not been invoiced (because I was told to wait for the invoice before paying) I learned that she was working on that today because they had to wait for the accounting year end to be complete. Cool, I can appreciate that since that's what I do for a living, even if it is already the 7th. I took the opportunity to confirm that it's ok to pay half and half and she told me it was but that they usually had parents pay a half a month in advance in those cases. Let me explain. They expect the first half of January to be paid on the 15th of December, then the second half would be paid on the 1st of January. That means I would have to be able to pay the full month of January now and still pay half a month for February by the 15th. A week from now! I don't know about you but I don't live in a world where that makes sense or would be even remotely possible! I told her flat out it wasn't happening and I think she was a little shocked. I told her I pay the first half of the month on the 1st the second half on the 15th and that's that. Ultimately they are still being paid in advance of doing their job and let's not forget they already have a half a months fees as a deposit! I'm trying to sort out how we can just pay monthly if this gets to be an issue because I am getting the impression that the less I have to deal with them in the administration aspect of things the BETTER!

Today has been a rough day! The filing has been backing up at work and I've been avoiding it like the plague but with year end it's a necessary evil so that's what I spent the day doing. I'm now regretting it on an epic scale since every inch of my body is aching. Scared to see how I feel tomorrow. Add to that all this daycare stress and I am pretty much wishing I had a rock to hide under. Thankfully my husband was awesome and he came home from work to cook the dinner I was supposed to have done but couldn't and then he was on full time daddy duty until bedtime. I love that man. We have our moments but he's my knight in shining armour when I need it.

Thursday is the big day for the specialist appointment so if you can remember to keep me in your thoughts. Hoping for some answers instead of more questions.

Oh and for anybody wondering? I haven't so much as glanced at my book/writing. I have intentions to do so but I just can't seem to actually DO it. Not sure about all these moms of 4 that say they wrote their books doing 20 minutes a day. 20 minutes isn't long enough for me to sit down and think "ok so where did I leave off? And where was I going with that? Oh right ok, fingers on the keys - The...." "MOMMA!" Ugh Maybe next time. I'll get there, I just haven't yet.

Sunday, December 30, 2012


I've been making excuses. Mostly to myself since most don't know about my 'book' and don't ask, but maybe those are the worst kind? I mean if you can't be honest with yourself...

I tell myself I don't have time. I do. I probably don't have 'enough' time to devote to writing but if I don't spend any time then it won't ever happen right?

I tell myself nobody cares & won't read it. That's not true either. I have people that have read it & want to read more. I have people behind me saying 'Go for it'. But most of all? I care! I want this story out of my head. I want to know that I can do it!

I tell myself I have other obligations to people. I have promised knitting projects, I have unfinished cross stitches and books I want to read! I really think these people wouldn't be too overly upset if they didn't get their projects because I was writing and the writing won't last forever. These things can wait.

There's other things like storyline blocks I can't get through. Not having a place to myself where I can think for more than five minutes without somebody needing me etc.

I read this quote this morning though and it really spoke to me.

“A writer who waits for ideal conditions under which to work will die without putting a word on paper.” E.B. White

I need to make this work somehow. I want 2013 to be the year that this story escapes my head. I need this to happen and I will find a way to make it so. One page at a time.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Another Year Gone

What an amazing year it's been too! So much growth and change and moving towards the future! Not all was good but most was and even the not so great was still necessary to get us to where we are today!

We had a fantastic Christmas together. It could only have been better if we had been able to be with our families back home but we certainly made the most of it.

Cbear has started a new daycare and he is doing really well in the group setting! I can't wait to see how the learning and development aspect improves his speech and communication! He's already started using more words just in the past two days! And his teachers are already commenting on how independent and willing to do things for himself he is. They're quite impressed with how well he's adapting!

So as we spend a lazy Saturday reflecting on the last year I find myself ready and willing to face the new year to come. Not because this year needs to end but because I'm excited to see what the future brings us!

Come on 2013! Bring on the awesome!!

Saturday, December 8, 2012

What's Up with Cbearsmamma

So I'm back, and the purpose for that is to share with you what I've been going through. What else IS the point of blogging anyways? My intent is to share what I know now, and what I learn as I go through this process I'm in and hopefully come out the other end having helped somebody as I help myself deal with everything by getting it out.

For the last 6 months or so I've been actively seeking a diagnosis for whatever is causing my body to be so very tired and so very much in pain. It's quite the process trying to pinpoint such an obscure thing let me tell you! The first step for me was realizing that what was going on with me was not normal and it IS chronic. Meaning that I have pain and fatigue daily. Every day. A good day is when it doesn't bother me ALL day.

One of the questions the dr's ask when you seek information on such things is "When did it start?". Well, let me see, I want to say in my teens, but I can't qualify my shoulder and back pain then as necessarily having anything to do with what I'm going through now. I mean, in this world of high stress and anxiety that's a fairly common issue. Skip ahead to when I started having episodes of my back going out on a somewhat regular basis and we've at least got me into my twenties, but again this ailment could be attributed to any number of things and not necessarily linked to my current situation. Skip ahead again, still dealing with shoulder, neck, back pain etc now enter headaches, and joint pain in my knees and hips. At this point those aches and pains are in all those places above as well as my feet, hands, elbows, you name it and it hurts. So although I'm almost positive this has been gradually getting worse since my late teens I told the doctors that it has been at least 5 years.

Five plus years of nearly constant pain and fatigue. I'm 31 years old. I should not be having these kinds of issues. I feel like I'm talking about an 80 year old person when I describe how I feel. It's completely ridiculous!

In any event, the first thing to do was run my blood work. We've done this several times over the years and not had any results so I was somewhat deflated but knew that was the natural starting point and was determined to not let it be the end of the line. This time something came up though. My iron levels were too high and my doctor was concerned about something called hemochromatosis . It's a disease where your body stores iron instead of using it and it can be very dangerous as well as cause every single one of my symptoms. However, after some further testing my Dr decided that my saturation levels were within a normal range and that I should definitely stop taking iron supplements but that I did not actually have the disease. I'm not personally ready to rule that one out just yet. Too many puzzle pieces fall into place with that one, and I will continue to request that those levels be checked in any further blood analysis that I undergo.

After hitting that wall, we had the conversation about how similar my symptoms are to my mother. My mom was diagnosed years ago with fibromyalgia. My Dr thinks it is quite possible and has referred me to a specialist (a rheumatologist) who should be able to help either diagnose it or come up with some other idea of what it might be. I waited a few months to get into his office of course and once there he asked many of the same questions and did a brief physical exam. He told me that I do show signs of having a chronic pain disorder and wanted me to go back for more blood work just to rule out a few more possibilities before moving on to whatever the next step might be. I have gone for the testing but won't know my results till I see him again in January.

At this point I have no idea what will happen or not. I'm trying to live as healthy as I can and deal in the best ways I know how. Taking advantage of medical coverage to utilize massage and chiro and hoping to try acupuncture as well. I will try anything if it might help. I'm almost willing to completely alter my diet and if you know me at all then you know that's HUGE as I may be the world's fussiest eater.

So that's what is going on with me. In future posts I would really like to share what I'm dealing with on a day to day basis as a full time working mother as I battle through and continue to LIVE because as much as I'd like to curl up in bed all day and never move some days, I wouldn't dream of missing this awesome life that I have! Whatever this is is going to have to figure out that it will be in the backseat for the rest of it's time with me and that's all there is to it!

Friday, October 26, 2012

Back from a Break

Well hello again!

I'm back! I have a bunch of posts in my head bursting out so I should be around for awhile!

It's been a very busy few months (or more? I've lost track now) and I will try my best to catch you up to speed.

The toddler garden was almost completely a fail. I simply didn't have time to tend to it. Our peas grew well & we enjoyed lots of fresh peas off the vine. The zucchini just died off & never made it past the plant stage which is shocking when you consider how it flourished in the house. The beans never took at all & the strawberries & blueberries did not produce anything of mention but they do seem to still be alive so there's that. I likely won't be so foolish to attempt so much next year.

Aside from that we've been potty training & learning language & trying to not go insane with all the raging toddler meltdowns. Basic parenting stuff really.

I was recently able to take a weekend trip to see Sir Paul McCartney in concert and my boys stayed home for a father / son weekend which has changed the dynamic in our home for the better. I think we all appreciate each other much more than before.

So now on with Christmas & all the busy craziness that goes along with being festive! Thanks for waiting for me to come back (like you were counting the minutes right?) and hopefully I won't be gone so long again any time soon!
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