Back To Square One

Well, we've had an exciting few weeks - BabyBear reached 4 months and had his Dr appt and shots - neither were very fun but we did find out that he is 14lbs 5oz of squishy baby goodness. He's reached several milestones of which I shall name a few - he started rolling over, only onto his tummy though, he gets angry after a while but just can't quite get himself to flip back over - he DOES however travel in circles and sometimes can push himself forward with his feet - his system definitely does NOT agree with rice cereal, even in very small amounts, but he ADORES sweet potato which we randomly tried just last night, might have been the first time we've ever had it in the house so I figured we better give it a shot - he is starting to try to sit up from laying down now as well so I know he's going to get mobile very soon and it's a little sad to know he's growing up THAT fast

On another note, my mom came to visit! It was a great visit and she and C-Bear enjoyed playing together very much. I believe she has done a great deal of healing while here which was the intended outcome after having her own mom pass away only just over a month ago. She left today to return home, far far away from here and it makes me sad to see her go.

SO I am feeling especially lonely today with my wonderful husband out helping his friends, and my son asleep in his crib, it's just me and the cats again and they're sleeping too - Part of me wishes I could stay home with my sweet little man and not ever return to work but the other part knows that this lonely feeling is what comes of being housebound and I'm not sure I will make it through the winter.....oh yes! A real live Northern Canadian winter is upon us - we got the first snowfall yesterday and we won't likely see the colour green again for another 4-5 months - oh JOY

Well, I suppose I should go get some warm clothes on - we're going to go make the best of it and have our first snow play day when he's up from his nap - I'll have to post some pictures at a later date - Snow Angels here we COME!!

I Remember

I remember:

•  How you just SMELLED like Grandma
• How you didn't mind that I thought your tummy was the bestest most comfy squishy pillow there ever was. You told me all good Grandmas had that.
• How when I would lay on your tummy you would trace your fingers over my cheek or shoulder and we would stay like that until I couldn't feel it anymore
• How you would tell the most elaborate stories I've ever heard. I wish I had written them down so I could tell Carter.
• How we would go for walks down the street and around the corner just so I could see the trains and you would tell me all about them
• How you made me climb your apple trees because it was a skill you thought I should have. You were probably behind the whole mud puddle incident with mom too!
• How you always let me look at and play with your things, even when they were old and breakable or from far away places and entirely unreplaceable
• How you seemed to be the only person that could decorate the Christmas tree unassisted and have it actually turn out ok!
• How you never got mad at me for opening your presents at Christmas when my little "Elf" eyes couldn't tell the difference between our names
• How you would laugh when I would pat YOUR back when you were trying to make ME feel better
• How you always had nifty 'Grandma' food like Make-It-Yourself Pudding
• How you always made the best roast beast there ever was
• How you always had a stash of the good candies even though you weren't supposed to because the ones you were allowed to have tasted like soap
• How you always let me help you test your blood sugar so I would understand why it was important not to eat ALL the candies at once
• How you always made up things to call me like Sniklefritz
• How you always asked me to do things little kids shouldn't do like open medicine bottles and pick the pins out of the carpet in the sewing room
• Most of all, I remember how when I walked into your house I always felt like the most special little girl in the whole world!

Thank you Grandma for all the good memories - I love you - and I will miss you - but we'll be together again someday - Good bye.

Pros & Cons of B%$@#^ Feeding

Yup, that's right - we're talking about the milk wagon here so if you're not comfortable with the female anatomy and the way it is used to nourish a child then moooooove on

Haha okay bad joke, but seriously, breastfeeding does make a girl feel like a cow after awhile. In fact, I usually ask my son if he'd like some boob-juice just so that I can feel less like a cow, and more like the provider of something really awesome. I'm sure that if I'm still doing this by the time he starts talking that I will change that so we don't get the "MOM, can I have some booooob juice now pweeeeez" when we're out in public! But at this point in time it keeps things a little more interesting for me and he doesn't seem to mind.

So, what I really want to do here is weigh out the pros & cons. I'm just past the 2 month hurdle with him nursing and it's starting to wear on me. I've never truly enjoyed the process and at this point I am starting to dislike it more and more. I had truly hoped to make it at least 6 months and am still trying to convince myself to keep going, but I also knew going into it that I would go as long as I could, however long, or short that may be.

I'm really trying to decide if I'm going to keep going or switch to formula for my sanity or not so here it goes:

PROS of Breastfeeding

• Best nutritional value for my son to be healthy and strong
• Easy to feed him anywhere and everywhere
• Incorporates a specific, set time for snuggles and love for bonding
• No bottles to clean or make in the middle of the night
• Helping me lose the baby weight without trying
• Cost efficient - FREE

CONS of Breastfeeding

• Uncomfortable and painful when milk comes in and when he pulls on my nipples
• Always have to use the cover in public which is hot and uncomfy (no I'm not ok not using it)
• My body is not my own
• Leaking all the time
• Being full and feeling like I'm gonna pop
• Spraying milk everywhere when he decides to pop off during feeding
• Not filling him up enough to sleep through the night - I'm soooo tired
• Have to pump so Daddy can feed him
• I can't go out without him unless I pump a LOT before and pump while I'm gone

PROS of Formula

• Either I or Daddy can feed him at any time
• Would fill him up more for sleeping at night and to have a better "schedule"
• Can feed him more comfortably in public
• Don't have to fill up, leak, or spray anymore
• Can have my body back
• Will have the extra calories and energy to exercise again
• Can go out and leave baby at home with less prep and no discomfort while gone

CONS of Formula

• Costs money to feed baby
• Bottles to clean
• Have to make bottles in the middle of the night if he doesn't sleep all night
• May be hard to find the right one for him
• More spit-up and stinkier diapers

Well, that's quite the list to go over. I certainly have some thinking to do. I'd appreciate any feedback as well since I may not be looking at ALL sides clearly. 

New Beginnings

Welcome to my blog

New beginnings, that's what it's all about - starting fresh - attempting new things - aspiring to be something greater than you were the day before.

2 months ago I became a mother to the most precious little boy I could have ever hoped for - I wasn't sure I was ready to be a mom or if I would be any good at it, but we seem to be getting along quite well so far.

Not long ago I was the girl that didn't want kids, I didn't want to have that kind of responsibility, I didn't want to be stuck at home, not working, not seeing my friends, attached to this little life for the rest of mine. Kids are messy and loud and demanding...

When I married my husband 2 years ago we decided that was what we were going to do. We were going to become parents. It's the next logical step after all, what else were we doing with our lives that we couldn't fit a little baby?

We decided to wait a little while, get financially secure and try to grow up a little more - we weren't entirely ready after all. Soon enough though we realized that we were making excuses and that money could never be ample enough to feel 'secure' and grown up or not what were we really waiting for? So we started trying. We got lucky straight out of the gate and I think we were both excited and utterly terrified by the idea. Lucky for us that little wake up call was just that, and after a quick miscarriage we were back to trying and preparing ourselves financially, and emotionally. After 8 months we had our positive test and it stuck this time - we were going to be parents and there was no turning back!

There are still days that I question our decision - Were we really ready? Are we going to make it as a strong happy family? Will our son grow up to love and respect us? Will we ever be able to provide all the things we always wanted and couldn't have when we were young?

But I'll tell you that when I hold my son in my arms and I look into his big happy eyes I know that everything is as it should be in this moment and that's all that I can hope for as a woman, a wife, and a mom. Maybe things aren't always perfect, but each day is a New Beginning and we can re-write our future with every hug, snuggle, kiss, and encouraging word.

So here's to a fresh start and a new adventure!